Everything You Need to Know About Last Night’s Oscars
1. Seth MacFarlane got super-mixed reviews
And by super-mixed, we mean pretty much everyone on Twitter was annoyed by the nonstop sexist jokes. We’ll skip over the Chris Brown/Rihanna tasteless joke (joking about being beat up by a boyfriend: still not funny) and just leave you with his song about boobs. Can we get Amy and Tina next year, PLEASE?!
The show was chugging along just fine when suddenly we saw Catherine Zeta-Jones onstage performing “All That Jazz” from Chicago, and I got really confused. Sure, I was playing our Oscar Drinking Game, but it wasn’t like I drank that much–did I have some back to the future moment and get sent back to 2003? Nope, it was just part of the show’s “theme”, which seemed completely nonsensical and stupid. Skip the themes next year and just show the movies from 2013. Jennifer Hudson, however, did kill it:
Argo won Best Picture, Life of Pi won Best Director, Les Miserable, Lincoln, Django Unchained and Silver Linings Playbook all had actors win…basically, any movie that was nominated for Best Picture went home with at least one award (except Beasts of the Southern Wild–though we’re sure this is only the beginning for nine-year-old Quvenzhane Wallis), but no single movie emerged as the big winner.
4. Adele looked the best we’ve ever seen
Girl is glowing. She looked semi-bored while performing “Skyfall” and still sounded amazing. I was also really into the backdrop–it was like some groovy lava lamp that I wish I had in my apartment. And thanks for the short-but-sweet acceptance speech.
Speaking of acceptance speeches, the Academy decided instead of the only slightly annoying “Your time is up” orchestral music, they’d replace it with the Jaws song. You know, badum. badum. badumbadumbadumbadum. Then they’d send someone out to tap on the person’s back. And by person, we mean only the no-name people who don’t grace the cover of Us Weekly–Jennifer Lawrence never got Jaws’d off. Chill out, Academy–it came off as disrespectful and, frankly, we wouldn’t have minded MacFarlane’s intro cut down a bit so actual winners had a few extra seconds to thank their families.
6. Sandra Bullock wins the award for Best Gif
She had some trouble opening up the envelope, and the moment resulted in this:
But we still love her. Mostly because she played it off so well. “You guys are just standing up because you feel bad that I fell, and that’s really embarrassing, but thank you.”
When E! tried to get her to put her hands in the mani cam, she shared this gem: “Oh god! Hang on, I told Emma Stone that I’d do this.” Then her dress was so big that she couldn’t reach, so she said, “Wait, no I can’t actually do it. Your ass is mine, Stone!” She then added, “I did it in theory. I can still tell her that I did it.” (And OMG Jennifer Lawrence + Emma Stone are friends?! How can we get in with them?)
9. The rumors are true about Kristen Stewart
And by rumors, we mean that she did indeed arrive on crutches. Her only explanation? “I’m an idiot.” (For the record, we hear she cut her foot.)
10. The show ended with a weird song about all of the…losers
Wah wah. Nothing like getting your loss rubbed in your face.